Comfort and Safety For So Brief a Time
by Emlyn
Summary: Between seasons 8-9: Having only recently gotten him back, Scully must once more face the heartbreak of letting Mulder go if she wants to keep her son, and Mulder safe... about the night before Mulder left. [Perks: a love letter! sunflower seeds!]


Mulder unlocked Scully's apartment door with the key she had given him years ago and shut it softly behind him. He stepped silently to William's crib and brushed his fingers against his sleeping son's cheek, his heart instinctively flaring with love and protectiveness. 

Then he moved on to Scully's bedroom. He walked inside lightly, careful not to wake her, and placed a folded piece of paper on her bedstand. 

He looked down at her peaceful face. Her soft red hair was swept back against the pillow. She sighed tranquilly in her sleep and her silken pajamas shifted against her skin. 

For the strong-spirited woman he knew and worked with, she looked heart-wrenchingly vulnerable in the dark - even more so tonight, Mulder thought, since they both knew not when they would see each other again. 

Mulder fought to repress the urge to lean down and kiss her cheek. Instead, he placed his hand on her arm for a second, drawing comfort from its warmth, then got up and exited the apartment and walked away, knowing full well and feeling powerfully that he was leaving everything he lived for behind. 

* * *

Scully stirred in her sleep and then woke up abruptly as William cried out in the next room. She threw her covers back and padded to his crib, lifted him and whispered to him softly until he was comforted from his nightmares and drifted peacefully back to sleep. Scully held him for a moment close to her breast, watching him, thinking his father. 

She put William back in his crib and went to her bedroom where she noticed for the first time the letter by her bed. She picked it up and, immediately recognizing Mulder's hand, opened it with shaking fingers. 

_To Scully: _

By the time you read this I will probably be on a flight out of the state. I cannot tell you where, for your safety and for William's as much as my own. 

There is little I can tell you now that you don't already know in regards to the respect and gratitude I have for you. I have told you before and will tell you a thousand times more, because I am a thousand times grateful for the years you've stood by me. You have been my most trusted partner. You have been my follower, my leader, my friend. You have sacrificed so much of yourself in the time we've worked together but nevertheless remained throughout unwavering in the strength, brilliance, and goodness of your soul. The seas may flood the earth, mountains may fall, aliens may take over the world, but there you will stand, strong against storms, a miracle in your arms and interminable hope in your heart. 

What you don't know is the secret I've harbored in my own heart for the psat few years. It's been growing slowly but steadily and I have never tried to conceal it from you - I have never concealed anything from you - but it's been so subtle I hardly knew it myself until I was taken from you and I feared for a time that I would never see you again. 

I love you, Scully. I'm in love with you, no longer as a friend; I've been in love for many months now, and it is for this reason I'm neglecting to say goodbye to you in person. 

I don't want to leave. Every drop of blood in my heart adamantly protests my getting on this plane at 5:30 tomorrow morning and leaving you and William and this new awakening of spirit. Eight long eventful years we've spent together, and I have never truly acknowledged this to you - yet I do not feel at all that those years were wasted. You helped me find my sister, you helped me find countless Truths, and with your scientific mind you saved me by finding proof of the fantastic. You made me believe in miracles even before our son was born. Therefore, I don't doubt that in the future there will be a path for me leading me home to your side. Until then, know that every second you are in my thoughts, and my life force now is simply knowing I will see you again. 

Dearest Dana, you have been, from the moment I met you, and always will be to the end of my days, my miracle. 

Mulder 

~* 

Scully stared emotionlessly at the glaring red numbers on her clock. 

_11:21._

A little over six hours left. Then Mulder, whoÕs caring presence and guidance sheÕd only recently regained, would be gone. All she would have left was the letter, now wrinkled and damp from her tears and clutching it tightly in her hands. 

Scully thanked God, for the hundredth time, for William, who was sleeping peacefully, unaware, in the next room. Her child. Hers and Mulders. William was proof -- the kind she liked: solid -- of hope, miracles, love, and Mulder. 

Mulder. 

ScullyÕs hands tightened on her pillow. She shut her eyes in a futile attempt to stop thinking about him. He was leaving. It was for the best. And it was already done. 

The clock switched to 11:30. 

Exactly six hours. After that, she didnÕt know where in the country -- in the world -- he would be. And she didnÕt know when he would return. 

With that thought, Scully sat up suddenly and reached for the phone and dialed MulderÕs number, breathing heavily. 

It was a busy signal. 

Scully sighed and put the phone back down in the cradle, and put her face in her hands. 

_ItÕs all right. He already said goodbye -- he said everything you needed to hear in his beautiful letter -- what would you have said to him on the phone anyway?_

What was in her own heart. What she felt for him -- the respect and trust and deep friendship which had so naturally and gradually transposed into love, very much the way Mulder had described it. 

Scully lay back down on her bed and tried to sleep. 

* * *

At mignight she was still not tired and she was aching at the thought of not knowing when she would meet Mulder next, be able to hear his voice and see his wonderful soul through his hazel eyes. She remembered the months in the past when sheÕd thought him dead, remembered the pain in her heart and willing to give up anything to see him again, alive and safe with her so she could tell him -- 

Scully got out of bed and pulled a blouse and pair of pants out of her dresser drawer. She had to go to him, she had to see him again and tell her everything that was in her heart, now, when she had a chance -- 

Just then there was a light knock on her door. Scully went to it, passing a soundly sleeping William, as MulderÕs voice filtered through it. "Scully?" 

A light filled her soul as she opened the door to find Mulder standing there. Happy though she was, she couldn't smile. There was too much sadness in their meeting. 

"What are you doing here?" Scully asked as she stepped back to let him inside. 

Mulder looked uncomfortable. "I honestly don't know. I didn't even mean to come here, really. Are you, um --" he pointed at the clothes in her hands. "Are you going somewhere?" 

Scully put the clothes down. "No -- I mean, I was going to go see you, but -- well, I called you and your line was busy." 

Mulder laughed. "I was calling you," he said. Scully just looked at him with pain in her eyes. 

Softening, Mulder moved close to her, his hands on her forearms. "You found my note?" 

Scully nodded and swallowed hard. There was an uncomfortable tension between them; nevertheless, Scully was extremely aware of their closeness and wanted only to close the distance. "I was calling you to tell you . . . thank you. For everything you said, and everything you've done for me." 

Mulder shook his head and looked into her full blue eyes. "I'm still in your debt." 

Scully returned his gaze, and after a moment of thought, said, "Then I want to ask you a favor." 

"Scully, I can't stay. You know that," Mulder whispered, mistaking her hesitation. 

"No, no. 5:30, I know," Scully said dismissively. 

"What, then?" Mulder prompted. 

Scully closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against his. He was still holding her arms and Scully put her hands against his chest. 

"Sleep with me." 

Mulder didn't move. Fearing his reaction, it took great strength for Scully to lift her eyes to his. His expression was unreadable -- was it happiness? or astonishment? . . . or something else? 

"If you don't want --" Scully began anxiously. 

"Dana . . ." he cut her off. Their eyes locked again and no more words needed to be said. 

Mulder cupped her face in his hands and kissed her tenderly. Scully gave herself in to the kiss, knowing that while this was their first night together, it could also be their last. Mulder moved his hands down from her face and unbuttoned her silk pajama shirt . . . 

* * *

Mulder never slept. The night was too much for him -- so much comfort and knowing they had to let it all go, and he couldn't miss a moment of it. He held a sleeping Scully in his arms, envious of her peaceful face; he kept his eyes on her, avoiding the glaring red numbers of the clock. 

But then he noticed the black night sky outside the window was becoming tinged with orange and pink, and knew it was time to go. 

He dressed as silently as possible, not wanting for the world to wake Scully. William cried out briefly from his crib and he picked him up and comforted his son, while holding back tears. It was 4:53. Not enough time. Not enough time for anything, for goodbye, for him and Scully -- time was all wrong. 8 years they worked so closely, and now -- now that what they both needed more than anything else was time for each other, they couldn't have it -- 

He watched Scully sleeping, the crimson covers drawn up against her pale skin which he now knew to be so soft beneath his hands -- 

Mulder turned on his heel and started to leave the apartment, then thought of something and doubled back. 

He found a handful of sunflower seeds in his pocket. He went to the bedside table where his letter still lay, and put some seeds within the folds. 

* * *

[A/N: Um . . . I'm a very new X-Files fan so I hardly know what's going on!! I just know that between season 8 and 9 Mulder had to leave -- i don't even know why -- so please, if I've gotten something terribly wrong don't flame me! But I would really like to know what you think....] 


End file.
